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Tuesday, June 2, 2020

The Blissful Existence Of Ignorance. (Short Story by PLPK)

A beautiful morning, cowdunghead wakes up from his sleep. He sits up on his bed. Even before opening his eyes his hands starts trembling and he slowly moves his hand towards his heart, he felt a sense of euphoric charge all through his body and he starts singing the national anthem.

After the song is over he sits down on his bed and starts crying. He cries for an hour, screaming and yelling as much as he can. He cries for his army, the brave soldiers who were on the border fighting for the nation. Slowly he stops crying. He gets ready to go for his morning walk. He reaches the beach and begins his yoga moves. He opens a water bottle and drinks his daily dose of gomutra. He finishes his routine and starts to walk back home. 

As he crosses the road thinking about the wonderful existence of his life, a dump truck carrying loads of garbage hits him. He is thrown up in the air. He falls to the ground. He lies on the road bleeding. A crowd gathers around. At a distance, the police are looking the other way waiting for politicians to pass by. A couple starts to scream seeing his bloodied face and body. They scream for exactly 2 minutes and 45 seconds. Then they abruptly stop screaming and start to sing songs of prayer. They thank God that they are safe and they are not on the road like the unfortunate guy who may die. Tears start rolling down their cheeks. They quickly turn away and run off singing the prayer songs. A bunch of kids gather around and start clapping. They point at the guy lying down and start laughing. 

One of the kid yells "Why is this stupid fellow lying on the road acting like he had an accident?" 

Our dear cowdunghead looks right to left desperately looking for someone to help him. Tears flow from his eyes. He is in pain. He raises his hands to see blood all over his hands. He screams. A part of the crowd starts to laugh. They point their fingers at him and make funny noises. 

A group of people standing mute all this while suddenly start to scream. They look angry; they start to discuss how he was careless while crossing the road. Another guy points at the dump truck and yells that it should be burned. A small fight breaks out. The people move away screaming and yelling and the fight turns into a riot. 

Two guys pass by carrying a 100 inch flat screen OLED TV. The TV has the latest state of the art technology which consumes extremely low power and has 5 years of warranty. It has 4 HDMI ports and 2 USB ports. It has inbuilt smart technology so you can stream any online content easily. Sharu Khan, amitaab buachan, akshae kmar, rojinikant, Sochin Tondulka and many other celebrities have used and vouched for this television and its quality. The two guys carrying the TV stop and look at the crowd. They get curious and move into the crowd. Our cowdunghead looks confused to see a large screen TV in front of him. Someone turns on the TV. The image appears and cowdunghead is shocked. His eyes widen and he gasps for breath as he sees himself lying on the road covered in blood. A voice screams through the television "WHY IS NO ONE HELPING HIM?"

The voice keeps asking some questions as cowdunghead's senses start to fade. Someone from the crowd changes the channel. Cowdunghead's ears suddenly shatter with the sound of another voice screaming from the TV. He sees his favorite News Anchor on TV shouting and barking with a bunch of others. On one corner of the TV he sees his own face. He can't understand what they are screaming about but somehow he is happy to see his idol. He is happy that his idol is speaking about him. The barking continues.

He turns to his side as someone lifts his hands. A guy sits down beside him; he starts to talk to him in a caring and mellow voice.

"I know you are in pain, I know you are suffering, I can totally understand that you are going to die. I'm going to sing a song for you and I'm going to tell your story to the world."

A famous actor rushes to the scene, he starts to cry. He sits beside him, he just stares at him for a long time. He calls someone on his phone and starts to explain the situation and the character he is going to play next. He says he is going to win an award for this next role. He rushes off.

As our dear cowdunghead spurts out more blood, the crowd starts to chant. Smokers take out their matches and lighters. A guy brings some candles and everyone starts to light up. Someone else brings a truck full of flowers. They start spreading the flowers around cowdunghead as he withers in pain. Slowly the mood turns to celebration. Everyone starts dancing around him, the mood is positive. 

The crowd screams "We will get through this pain, we are stronger, we are united, we love our nation, we love our army, we love our God, we love ourselves, our positivism in these trying times will cure all our worries" they scream at cowdunghead.

As cowdunghead lies there looking at all the chaos around him, he knows he is going to die, he feels numb. He goes into a shivering frenzy, the crowd goes mad celebrating the grand event. He pulls all the strength he has, one final push, one final effort his mind tells him to do. He raises his hand up in the air and screams 

"HAIL SUPREME LEADER ALADEEN"

He dies.

The End.


P. S.  Don't be a psychopath without empathy, feel sad for Cowdunghead. 

Please donate here: #IDOCARE (www.iactuallydontgiveafck.udumbfck.com) 

If you don't give me your money, 

I sincerely hope, wish and pray this happens to you.


Please let me know if this is offensive ☺️☺️☺️ 😉


Saturday, April 18, 2020

PANDEMIC TIMES [Chennai,India.]


23/3/2020

Optimist: Everything's going to be fine. All will be OK soon. Don't panic. Stay away from negative people and focus only on positivism. Ignore negativity, this too shall pass. Faith will heal everything. Don't lose hope.

(Stop reading further, your fragile, naive mind may get hurt or you are probably a psychopath lacking empathy, then you might end up laughing your ass off.)

Pessimist: Things are going to get worse and all you mofos are gonna die.

Nihilist: People are dying... Yes. More will die and more should die. I'm going to die one day and all you idiots are also going to die, the sooner the better. The politicians and the narcissistic celebrity assholes and the spiritual pimps who peddle god should die first.

The Rich (mostly): I'll safeguard myself at any and everyone's cost. I'll be safe and I'll mostly parrot the official government’s statements and will absolutely not say anything critical about anything. My biggest problems would be how to get through the boredom of self-quarantine. Also I don't give a fuck about the poor and the less fortunate.
Some middle class Geniuses: I'm privileged enough to stay home, but my big stupid ego can get hurt. I need big doses of positive reinforcement to get through my privileged position, so I'll be online advising others, and promoting the power of positivism. I cannot face reality as I'm too scared of it or I'm too much of a selfish fuck. Maybe just maybe when the problems faced by many hit me and my family, only then I'll start to think critically and complain. Until then I'll mostly parrot the rich guy and carry forward his ideas and be a dumb citizen. I will keep kneeling down in front of all the psychopath supreme leaders and continue being a blind believer. I will see my fellow online warriors (yes, its sarcasm. cue to laugh) who are cautious and critical about our social systems and believe they are all crazy. Also I too don't give a fuck about the poor and the less fortunate.

The Poor: I don't know what's going to happen to me. I might probably die soon, as I am not equipped to even face my day to day problems let alone a worldwide pandemic. The government doesn't give a shit about me; the rich might act like they care about me. Some of the middle class will follow the rich and even blame me for all their problems but I'm sure there will be many selfless people who actually care and try to fight for humanity and

Some...

Will sit and write shit like this…

Yours Truly,
A privileged selfish middle class Moron

Reality is quite often ignored. Most of us act according to a present set of circumstances and not according to what we imagine ourselves to be. You are an Optimist, Pessimist and sometimes a Nihilist without realizing you practice all of the above. The one who proposes "one idea rules all" is the conman you need to be aware of. In times of grave danger, self-preservation takes over. There is nothing wrong in being selfish, it is indeed inherent to human nature. But we humans are supposed to have reached an evolved state and having certain limits to your selfishness makes all the difference. The more self-aware you are about your privileges the less moronic you might become. Open your eyes to the common good. Symbolic gestures can be extremely infuriating when people are actually suffering from extreme poverty and sickness. If you have an accident and are lying on the road bleeding to death, you want someone to rush you to a hospital and not gather around to sing songs, light lamps in solidarity for the pain you are in. The actual front-line warriors in times of any pandemic don't have time to listen to any of our bullshit. They are too busy saving lives at the cost of risking their own. If you cannot help them, that's perfectly fine but don't insult them with your antics and stupidity. Your blinding devotion towards your psychopathic leaders may actually cost lives of these brave people. Once the governments and the official systems starts working and takes care of the most primary requirements and shows their intent in concrete actions, then you can start your worship. Until then keep asking questions, keep them on their toes. Start practicing CRITICAL THINKING.

P. S. At least Corona isn't a selfish fuck, it loves all.